Setting boundaries can mean several different things, so let’s start small.

Think about setting boundaries on your time. Is your inbox inundated with emails from people or companies you really aren’t interested in? Instead of deleting them and they reappear next week, take the time to “unsubscribe” even if it seems time-consuming. Your future self will thank you. 

If you feel a tinge bad about unsubscribing, reframe the situation to the fact they are intruding on your personal, private space. It’s much like the door-to-door sales associate, but it’s on your computer. Firmly shut the door and don’t answer it! This will guard your time and your focus. Just think what you could accomplish if you weren’t so distracted.

We all have folks who frequently “ask” us to do one little, simple thing, and although we might want to help them out, later we regret it. Remember, your time is yours. You have a right to say, “No.” You can even say, “I’m sorry. I am unable to do so.” If you are inclined, you can say, “It doesn’t mesh with my current priorities/goals.” Or “I’m busy with other activities at the moment.” You might need to come up with some remarks that are more comfortable for you to articulate. Don’t be afraid to write them down and practice! Remind yourself that you have a life and your own priorities, and you deserve the chance to live it.

Then there are sales people who can be relentless at times. If you politely say no, and they still try to suck you in with a reduced offer or other sales tactic, be persistent with your “no.” Keep reminding yourself that your time and or your money should be spent where you desire.

Another type of boundary concerns the type of behavior you are willing to accept from other people. This might be verbal or physical abuse. You wouldn’t think we’d have to tell others not to speak unkindly to us, but it does happen. The same goes for physical abuse. Just standing up for yourself and stating, “Don’t do that to me,” will put the person on notice that such behavior is not acceptable. It might cause a crisis at the time, but both parties will know where they stand!

We all have friends (and I use that term lightly) who are really “impositions.” By this I mean they are constantly late for appointments, cancelling appointments or forgetting appointments. These folks might even be your clients. There are a few tactics you can try. One is reminding them before your meeting, or what my doctor’s office calls “confirming” your appointment. Another idea would be to allow one make-up appointment if they forget or have an emergency. After that, feel free to just delete them from your friend or client list. If it feels better, just maintain that you are unavailable the next time they contact you.

The next boundary might be a bit more difficult to ascertain at first. Some people tend to manipulate or tell untruths. They may have learned this behavior growing up and it works for them. That’s fine, but it doesn’t have to work on you. If you don’t want to deal with a person like this, then set a boundary. For associates or acquaintances, you can just distance yourself from them and choose not to deal with them. 

For someone you must interact with, you need to let them know you are on to their behavior. Call them on it. It will be very uncomfortable; however, once you set the boundary of what behavior you will tolerate, your interactions (if any) will improve. This also keeps your future expectations low because you will have none. 

Setting boundaries regarding your time and the behaviors you will tolerate are imperative if you want to live your best life. Respect yourself enough to take the necessary steps to create a life you want to live—one with less distractions, more focus, and better relationships, all while maintaining your peace of mind.