The Buddha emphasized that suffering is all in your mind. Eckhart Tolle shared a similar thought about how humans attach meaning to an event and that is what causes the suffering.
Let’s dissect this train of thought and find out how we can avoid our suffering.
The first thought to understand is why we are suffering. Most likely it is an occurrence that does not bring us joy, such as the loss of a loved one, a seemingly-missed opportunity, or maybe something as trite as the restaurant being out of your favorite dish.
This unfortunate event has already occurred. It is no longer happening, only the result of the occurrence is happening now.
What if we could change the way we look at things and come up with another interpretation that does not cause us suffering? Perhaps that would ease our pain.
Let’s take the restaurant that is out of your favorite meal. What if, instead of being sullen and upset, thereby ruining the meal for yourself and any companions, you took a different approach? What if you looked as this event as a chance to step outside your comfort zone and try something new that normally you would not try? Now, I’m not saying the new dish will be better than your favorite, although who knows. I’m suggesting your entire meal will be more pleasing.
You see, once you step away from your preconceived expectation and disappointment and look at the new possibilities it affords a new chance for the other wonderful experiences. No doubt that you and your dining mates will have an enjoyable time with your new-found attitude.
Some suffering may be harder to overcome. Such is the case for losing a loved one—whether it’s physically or emotionally. It hurts, deeply. However a new perspective will not necessarily ease the pain, but it will ease it and create space for new possibilities.
The loss of someone dear gives us an opportunity to remember them, cherish the memories, and continue to love them if we so desire. Having a different perspective doesn’t erase the pain, it merely helps us cope so we can move forward with our life, even though it may not be in the same way we once imagined.
Changing one’s perspective from one of suffering to one of acceptance doesn’t happen overnight. It takes practice. It’s wreaked with trials and uncomfortable feelings, but it does get easier as time goes by.
One key is recognizing when you are “suffering” and having your own private pity party. Then realizing that you have the power to stop your suffering and redirect your energy elsewhere.
This lesson was reiterated to me on a recent trip to India with my partner. After a long flight, we arrived in New Delhi at 4:30 am, yet the place was buzzing with activity.
We were confused about where to meet our pre-arranged ride to the hotel and ended up being taken for a ride (literally) by an unscrupulous taxi driver. I was honestly afraid we might be kidnapped, so I sent photos of the car and driver to my son and travel agent back home in case we went missing!
When we finally arrived at our hotel, exhausted and angry for falling for the taxi driver’s devious actions such as requiring prepayment and stopping on a busy roundabout to switch to another driver, who also wanted to be paid! We were beside ourselves when we were hit with the news that we had no reservation. Worse than that, the hotel was fully booked!
Time to pivot. I asked the clerk to recommend a decent hotel nearby and arrange a legitimate taxi. All went well until we arrived in our room at the new hotel. My partner was so frustrated; he complained about our arrival and even contemplated a ride back to the airport and fleeing for home!
I was a bit harsh with my reply when I said, “The only thing that needs changing is your attitude!”
Luckily after some much-needed sleep, we were both a bit more coherent. The rest of the trip was wonderful, especially after we adopted our tour guide, Raj’s motto: “Expect the unexpected.”
I share this personal story so you can realize we all face “suffering” in our lives. We must learn to live with them and use them to reshape our perspective if we are to live a glorious and wonderful life as we and our creator desire.
Remember the “Sufferings” have a purpose the next time your encounter one. Learn to accept the situation and look for an opportunity to grow.